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Me and my mom went out today and she went to a smoking store. And she got her oil change. Shortly after we got home our friend Tabitha texted my mom and told her that her mom & step dad left her at Kroger right by the smoking store because she was filling out an application and was 'taking too long' so they left her there to walk home. That's like 10-20 mile's away from where we live. Cause she live's two houses down from me. We had to go alll the way back to get her. The same place. She was so pissed offff. I really didn't say nothing because I was just so fucking hungry and couldn't stop thinking about food, plus their was no room for me to even talk cause my mom and her were talking like crazy. I was hoping she would've invited me over so we could smoke a j but she didn't. She was too mad. Haha.
I really wanna smoke because it woud take my mind off food. I know you get the munchies but, I heard that if you don't eat while your high it speed's up your metabolism. Sooo that would've been nice, but it didn't happen sooo, yeah.
I just really can't stop thinking about food. I know it's just the first day, and earlier I didn't even wanna eat, but I can't help these fucking craving's now. I'm not gonna eat. Maybe I'll have an apple. I'm not gonna exercise because that's not good to do while on a fast. Plus I'm too fucking lazy. Yeah, maybe I won't have an apple. Their's calories... And I don't know. I gotta just find a fucking hobby. These cigarette's she got are fucking gross. So, I don't think I'm gonna smoke for a while... Atleast until I need nicotine.
Oh, on Mother's Day this Sunday we're going to my grandma's out in Rochester. It'll be fun to smoke and shit. But one litttleee... Okay big problem. Their's gonna be lot's of food. Mhm. I'm gonna try not to eat it. If I have to I'll just pick at my food. But it'll be hard.
Ugh. Fuck my life. I guess I picked a sorta bad time to fast. But fuck, I gotta do this. It's not like I want to suffer and watch everyone around me enjoy their food with not a care in the world.
But my mom's side of the family... Well let's just say they're not the skinniest bunch in the world... They have diabetes running in that family. So, I gotta keep up with this shit. I think the reason why I'm so.... Medium, is because my biological dad was a fucking stick.  Really skinny. I wanna be as skinny as he was. I mean, I've never met him and all, but I seen a video of him at my babyshower back in June '94, a  month before I was born, and he was tall. Like 6'3 tall. I think that's kinda where I get my hieght from. My mom is short. I'm 5'7. So I'm in between. Everyone was alway's complaining about how he was sooo skinny. I used to be skinny. I remember being 14 and thought I was so fat, but I starved myself so my everything, my perception of myself was fucked up. I thought I was a cow. I was at a healthy weight though. I weighed less than 130 pounds. and for my height, that is pretty good. When I was 15 I weighed a solid 130. Now, Ugh I don't wanna know. I'll be skinny like I was back then. Even Skinnier. I just gotta stay strong. (: